Decade of Change-part one

Having never really been one to not express my feelings about certain things, I won't change that now. We as humans go through highs and lows, for many the highs and lows I won't try and imagine. I lost my Ma at the beginning of the decade, being a Mamas boy I was crushed, I cried everyday for a year, I struggled with the loss, thankfully I had family and friends that made it easier. She passed away in 2012, and I did hear the "Time heals all" unfortunately it's not on your timetable, you have to wait it out and that's the problem. My younger sister passed away in 2019, her passing was sudden, we all tried to help her but in the end it was how she lived that finally caught up to her, I'll miss her twisted sense of humour. I had the chance to tell them both that I love them, and that gave me a little bit of peace.

I lost too many friends to heart attacks or illness, good people, positive people and every time I just bowed my head and wondered, could anything been done, maybe if they ate better, worked out, hell just went for more walks.  I had two heart attacks in that decade, I realized that heart attacks don't discriminate. I tried to do all the right things, I ate pretty well, I worked out regularly, more than most, but what I didn't do was manage stress, the silent killer. Maybe the stress of losing my Ma, the mountain of debt I was buried under. I was told that being in good shape may have saved my life, a comforting thought while lying in a hospital bed. I was also told that if I could choose an artery, I picked the right one, a positive from a heart attack. The second one just pissed me off, it was a little glitch with a stent getting blocked again, they couldn't fix it, so there you have it.

The moral of this story is do everything you can to lower the risks of illness, but sometimes even doing the right things won't be enough and that is just how life works.

I've had bouts of depression, anxiety, felt worthless, and even a failure. Even with all the positives in my life I tried to hide it, but failed most of the time. Those close to me saw it, but for many it was an easy hide.

Look around your world, not the big world, your personal world. Don't hate people, being angry is ok as long as the anger is short lived. Don't blame the world for your problems, it's easy to blame others, the only ones that get hurt are the ones closest to you. If you can't make your life better, you damage the life of those around you.  There will be new highs and lows to deal with, stay as positive as you can, lean on family and friends and be there when they need you. You're in this life together.


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